Friday, January 21, 2011

I'm Giving You Fair Warning....

So, a few years ago at Christmas, my mother gave me this little book titled "How to Survive a Horror Movie." It's a fun little book written by Seth Grahame-Smith, the same guy who wrote "Pride and Prejudice and Zombies." I had not been thinking about the book recently until the other day when something very frightening happened to me....

I happened to see Kristen Kernats (KEEEEERRRRRRNNNNNAAAATTTTTSSSS!) had found me on twitter and mentioned Maine, which had me suddenly have a moment of vertigo as this particular passage of the HTSaHM popped into my head.... and all I have to say is thank God I remembered it... It might just save all our lives....

TEN PLACES NEVER, EVER, EVER TO GO UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES:

1. Rooms lit by a single hanging lightbulb
2. Rooms lit by nothing
3. Any graveyard that isn't Arlington National Cemetery
4. Summer camps whose annual counselor murder rate exceeds ten percent
5. MAINE
6."The Old _____________"
7. Hotels/Motels that aren't part of giant national chains
8. Upstairs
9. Downstairs
10. Any log cabin anywhere on the face of the earth

S0 there you have it. Since #5 is especially poignant, I think we all need to take a small breather here and consider our options.... I know I'm packing a knife and a few grenades for the trip. I suggest you all do likewise....

6 comments:

  1. *phew* guess it's a good thing I'm not going then! :)

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  2. If I hear anything creaking outside at night, I'm going to go out with a flashlight with very old batteries, and I'm going to keep walking into the woods on my own to find out what it is. I'm NOT going to call the police. Actually, maybe we should all agree right now, if there's something bad outside, we will split up and go off in all different directions and lose touch with each other.

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  3. Oh, and by the way Caleb, your bedroom is upstairs and your bathroom is downstairs. i reckon you'll be sleeping under the kitchen table and climbing in the dishwasher for a rinse.

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  4. I suggest we all sleep in the closets.

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  5. I hear monsters hide in closets...

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  6. For inquiring minds:

    http://i450.photobucket.com/albums/qq228/Klarityproductions/twitter.jpg

    ReplyDelete